And...She's Back(?)

Oh, how I love these people. (And can Ben NEVER make a normal face in a picture?)

Don't you love those blog posts that say, "It's been SO LONG since I've written!"

This is one of those blog posts.

This blog post is to inform you, delightful readers, that my intention is to return to our regularly scheduled posts, more for my own sake than for yours, of course. I just need to keep track of this messy, beautiful life for me and for these five people you see pictured. If you'd like to come along for the ride, come along! The more the merrier!

I can give you lots of reasons to explain why in 2010 I posted 359 times, 2011 I posted 45 times, and this year I have posted 2. I'm sure some of those reasons will be discussed in future posts. Some of them will never be discussed. I will say that being refined is a ridiculously hard process, harder than I ever imagined, and sometimes public discussion is not appropriate to some of the refining processes.

And yet here I am; here WE are. On the other side of the nastiness? I sincerely hope so, at least on the other side of THIS part of the refining. My experiences have taught me, however, that there will be more refining to come, that this life is full of refining times, and that trying to avoid them has never done me any good. They will come when they will, and I can only attempt to handle them more gracefully in the future.

So here's to happiness ahead...and a few more posts in the future!

Ironing out the Wrinkles 5.10.10

I don't much enjoy ironing.

I didn't much enjoy ironing as a teenager. (Just ask my mom who complained mightily about the state of my wrinkled clothes as I left for school each day.)

I didn't gain anymore appreciation for it as a young adult. (Just ask David who once ironed my very cool red circle skirt and white shirt so I could go on a date with another guy.)

And I certainly can't say that it's grown on me as an adult. (Just ask Frampton's Cleaners who has had my business for years and years.)

They way I see it, I can iron fewer than 3 of David's 100% cotton dress shirts an hour. Or...I can pay to have them washed and pressed for around $2 a shirt. I've always considered my time more valuable than $5 an hour.

Until now.

Suddenly we find ourselves in a penny-pinching mode. Blame it on the house. Or on our spending to furnish said house. Or me not teaching. Or the large cuts the symphony made to all of its staff salaries. Or really, blame it on all of the above.

Now really, I don't mind being frugal. Believe me, I know frugal. We lived on $13,000 our first year of marriage and $17,000 our second. We had one car for six and a half years, even though David worked in Salt Lake and I worked in Heber and Provo. In college, I once didn't grocery shop for nearly 6 months (we lived off David's parents' food storage.) And (David's mom's favorite story) I once gave David wrapped library books for Christmas.

But ironing? Sigh. It's really hard to have to be ironing again. Not only that, but I'm really not very good at it...

Looking on the bright side? We have shirts to iron. And electricity to run the iron. And I'm not having to iron shirts for other people to bring in extra income. And I can watch TV while I iron. Not so bad, after all.

But just as soon as I can, I'm giving my business back to Frampton's. I'm sure they miss me.

Send Me Some Motivation, Please. Or a Nap.

I think I'm tired. Or bored. Or lazy. Or tired. Or unmotivated. Or did I suggest tired? But I just can't seem to get my brain and body back on track. I'm running a lot and sleeping a little, and that doesn't seem to be a good combination for me. I think running a lot and sleeping a lot would work. Or running a little and sleeping a little. Not happening.

So I'm kind of wandering through today. Liz and I ran a hilly 8.6 this morning (getting ready for Wasatch Back...two more weeks! Exciting!) and then I did laundry and cleaned the kitchen and went to the ward craft morning (have I mentioned I am not a craft person? Yeah, I'll be mentioning it in an upcoming post, I think.) and went to Sophie's violin lesson and vacuumed the stairs and the basement and cleaned up an entire Costco bag of goldfish crackers that Ben decided to spill at the top of the stairs and found the music for tomorrow's choir rehearsal, but much of the time I've just spent in a slow-moving daze.

Maybe I'll sleep tonight and feel like myself again. Not this zombie woman who can't figure out what to make for dinner.

Did I mention that I was tired?

Life Lists

During our long hours in the car last May on our family trip to the Redwoods, David, Josh & I started our Life Lists: lists of things we wanted to accomplish in our lifetimes. (I think the girls were glued to the DVD screen and wouldn't participate. Little stinkers.) I just found them and thought I'd post them. We'll be adding to the lists over time, but it was fun to see what we were dreaming about last year.

Josh:

1. Become a pro soccer player
2. Go river rafting
3. Go to Asia
4. Got to Madagascar
5. Restore an old car with Dad
6. Go to England
7. Build a treehouse
8. Be a rock star or have a band with friends
9. Go on an overnight ATV trip

David:

1. Visit redwoods (Check. Such a pragmatist.)
2. Learn to sail
3. Climb the highest peak in Utah
4. Go river rafting
5. Fly in a helicopter (Check.)
6. Race on Miller Speedway
7. Drive down Highway 1 with the kids
8. Visit Alaska
9. Visit Japan
10. Enter a bike race
11. Restore an old car
12. Go to England
13. Write a children's book
14. Build a treehouse
15. Own a BMW or Triumph motorcycle
16. Go on an overnight ATV trip

and me:

1. Learn to sail
2. Write a book
3. Run a marathon
4. Do a triathlon
5. Have 100 songs memorized
6. Run 1000 miles in a year
7. Go on a humanitarian aid trip (build a school or something)
8. Take a good photography class
9. Go to China
10. Go to Africa
11. Spend a week at a beach house with the family
12. Go on a cruise with family and friends
13. Spend Christmas at a cabin

I Just Can't Stay Away

I'm back. Yes, I'm needing hardcore practice time, but I don't spend THAT much time on the blog, and I miss spewing my thoughts into cyberspace. It must be the narcissist in me.

Updates since my last post:

Josh is STILL SICK. He is on his twelfth day of fever. TWELVE DAYS. I have gone far beyond good sick mom. I am now Great Sick Mom. I am Marathon Sick Mom. But I'm also so aware of my blessings. We went back to the doctor on Saturday, since he took a turn for the worse, and all I could think after the chest x-rays, throat swab, ear check, and blood work came back normal was how grateful I am that I'm not dealing with a terrible, chronic illness with this sweet boy. I have friends whose children have had cancer and other life-threatening diseases, and I admire them with all my heart. Seeing Josh limp and weak on the couch has wrenched my heart. When I imagine him hooked up to machines in a hospital, it tears it in half. Missing 8 days of school at the end of term...not good. Knowing he'll return to good health soon enough...all good.

Ben. He's trouble. Have I already said "We're talking about trouble, my friends, with a capital T and that rhymes with B and that stands for Ben?" Yes? Well, his terrible twos have come early. Last week I made a beautiful pot of beef barley soup with gorgeous shredded beef. We ate it for dinner, but I made plenty for leftovers. The next day, I heard the dog making some suspicious noises in the kitchen. I went upstairs and screamed. Ben had opened the fridge, taken out the container of soup, opened the lid, and put it on the floor for the dog to eat. Thank you, Ben. The leftovers were gone, and I had to deal with my dog's stomach problems later that day. Nice. He has started pinching, hitting, climbing, and demanding his own way. Where did my angel Benno go?

Ben. He's also very cute and very charming. When he asks for something and I give it to him, he says, "Thank you much." He gives hugs and kisses liberally and loves to read books.

I had my sister-in-law Ashleigh's shower here on Saturday (although I didn't throw it. Her sister and friend did, and did a way better job than I would have.) She's a great and wonderful person and will be a darling mom. I can not wait to meet their little man.

I've ordered my recital outfit...hope it fits! Can't wait! Have to find shoes! And figure out my hair!

My runs are getting faster and faster! I can hardly believe it. Running with my faster buddies and doing speedwork is paying off. I did 3.1 on Friday in UNDER NINE MINUTE MILES. This is big, my friends, big. I know many many people are much much faster, and I shouldn't be so excited, but I am, darn it. Yee Haw! Even my long runs and hilly runs are faster than I ever thought I'd be. Visualization is a powerful tool.

I'm using lots of exclamation points! Wow!

And that part about running was really braggy, but I'm leaving it in anyway, because I'm just THAT excited about it.

Things I Can't Live Without (for Now)

1. Super glue
It keeps my fingers from bleeding all over the keys.

2. Aveeno lotion
It helps me need less super glue. It's the only lotion I've found that I'll actually use more than once in a day. I hate greasy lotions, I hate smelly lotions, and I hate lotions that don't work.

3. My piano

4. My friends
I love having people who know everything (OK, ALMOST everything) about me who love me anyway, who understand that sometimes I'm a flake, sometimes I'm super busy, sometimes I need to talk RIGHT NOW, and most of the time I'll manage to be there for them, too, but will forgive me if I blow it. You guys are lifesavers. Seriously.

5. Bedtime for the munchkins
It's about the only time I'm getting really solid, long practicing done. I'm doing my technique and some run-through stuff during the day, but the solid stuff is happening late into the night. I'm not sure that's the best thing for my memory, considering that I'm slightly more brain dead at night, but I'll take what I can get!

6. David's support
David is being so incredibly cool about the time this recital preparation is taking. He is not only understanding about my evening practice hours, but he says nice things about listening to me practice, too. I could NOT be doing this without his willingness, and I'm incredibly grateful.

The things that I AM living without (for now) include:

1. A spotless house (it's actually not terrible, but it's certainly not the super-organized home I envisioned when I quit teaching).

2. Reading
Honestly, I have never read so little in my entire life. I think I've only read six or seven books this entire year. It's crazy. Piano and running have taken over my spare time, I'm afraid. I also decided I only want to read books that I REALLY like this year. I don't have time to waste on stupid books.

3. Photography
It's just not happening right now. I don't know if I've taken a picture since we got back from California.

The things that I will need to catch up on as soon as the recital is over:

1. Taxes (Aargh!)

2. Organizing (Double aargh!)

3. Giving back to all those people who've helped ME.

4. About a million things that have fallen through the cracks. I hope you'll forgive me, if one of those things that has fallen through the cracks has impacted you. I recognize that I've been living a bit in my own little world, but April 7 is right around the corner...

Choose your own adventure...

Which day would you rather have?

Disneyland in the 60's, overcast, no line over 25 minutes, with happy happy children, a fantastic brother, and your cute husband...no one complaining, Ben singing along to It's a Small World, kids hanging on their uncle, hitting every ride anyone wants to hit?

or...

Driving home from California for 11 plus hours?

Yeah, me too.

(And I'm not even a Disneyland fan.)

What I Should be Doing...

Christmas shopping.

Folding laundry.

Studying scriptures.

Doing dishes.

Practicing with Kate.

Organizing my desk (it's ALMOST done. I swear.).

What I AM doing...

Nothing much.

Except wishing I hadn't ripped one of my last pair of contacts taking it out of my eye Friday night. And enjoying watching the snow fall. And trying to get over the cold that has knocked all of us for a loop in the last week.

OK. Break's over. Time to practice with Kate. (The rest of all you "shoulds" can just wait your turn.)

Giving Thanks, Days 1-4

My friend Jessie posted something she was thankful for every day last November, and I loved it. She just started up again, which reminded me that I had planned to copy her (imitation is the highest form of flattery, after all...)

So, here are my first four days:

Nov. 1

I am grateful for David.

He is an amazing man. He has a remarkable will and so much strength. He is funny, (sometimes ridiculously so), he is kind, and he loves me with all his heart. He is a tender and sweet dad. I knew he would be an amazing father even before I ever knew I would marry him. He works extremely hard. He has an amazing artistic eye and ear. When I was getting ready for recitals, I could always count on him to give me his honest (sometimes hard to take) opinion and that my playing would improve as a result. He makes up crazy songs. He is a loyal friend, and I have never doubted his faithfulness. He is a good man to the core.




Nov. 2

I am grateful for my children.

Being a mother is a beautiful, difficult, amazing role. These four people are full of life, energy, wisdom, and curiosity. They teach (and test) me every day. I believe we have known each other for eons, from time before this world, and I am grateful to be their mother. It's not an easy task. I don't always think I have what it takes, but I am grateful for their goodness and their humor and their intelligence.



Nov. 3

I am grateful for this amazing world.

I love our world. I love the seasons. I love the wild open spaces around me.



Nov. 4

I am grateful for America.

Having just returned from voting (Go Obama!) (but it's ok if you say Go McCain. We can all be friends.), I was reminded how amazing our country is. We get so caught up in the negative aspects of modern life in America sometime, and it's easy to forget that we live in a truly amazing country. I walked into a polling location, gave my name, received the chance to vote my mind without pressure of any kind. I didn't wake up nervous that there would be violence at the polling location, or that someone would try to pressure me into voting for a certain candidate. Those who have fought for my freedom are dear to me. I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to speak dissenting words without fear of persecution or imprisonment. While I wish we would be kinder in the election process, and certainly less divisive, I'm very aware of the beauty of what we have.

Taggarific

Malisa tagged me...

5 Shows I Love to Watch:

1. The Office
2. Project Runway
3. Top Chef
4. So You Think You Can Dance
5. hmmmm...that's about it. I like Arrested Development on DVD, too.

5 Favorite Restaurants:

1. Thai Siam
2. Log Haven
3. Cafe Rio
4. Citris Grill
5. really, anything I don't have to cook that is not McD's...

5 Things That Happened Yesterday:

1. Went to dinner with David. We got to have a date! Yippee!
2. Read a book
3. Paid bills
4. Had a headache
5. Did lots and lots of laundry

5 Things I Look Forward To: (ok, 7)

1. The kids in bed
2. Running when it's not 35 degrees
3. Reading
4. Dates with David
5. Happy family time
6. Good, thoughtful conversations
7. Feeling the Spirit

5 Things I Love About Fall:

1. Running through crunchy leaves
2. The colors
3. Wearing sweaters
4. My birthday
5. Wassail

5 Things on My Wish List

1. Steinway
2. Everyone in my life to be happy
3. For the political process to be simpler and more positive (is that like asking for world peace?)
4. World peace
5. The habit of going to sleep earlier

5 People I Tag

1. Christina
2. Liz
3. Jessie
4. Karissa
5. Janae
5a. Seriously, I tag you all. If you want to do it, go for it. If you don't, don't. I'm easy like that.