Life Lessons from Val #1 (and #2)

My mom is a wise woman.

When she reads this, she will say that that is not true.

Those of you who know her well will agree with me, though. She's not one to often give advice, despite raising nine children. She doesn't think she has all the answers. But she is kind, loving, and non-judgmental (sometimes to a fault) and people love her: from the dry cleaning lady to the checkers at her grocery store, she is a friend to everyone she meets. Obviously she has some wisdom that should be collected.

The lesson I'm going to share with you today is to memorize and use this phrase:

"You might be right."

She taught me this during the last year while I was dealing with an (some?) obnoxious child (children?) who wanted to find fault with each other constantly. This led to me wanting to find fault with them constantly. Mom suggested we use that phrase whenever someone said something we just KNEW was wrong so that we didn't have to correct them (and become even more obnoxious.)

We said it over and over to each other that day as a joke. It was kind of brilliant on a couple of levels. On the surface, it's brilliant because while we are saying "You might be right," we're thinking "But you're not..." so it satisfies the natural man's desire to stick it to our opponents.

But the deeper lesson I learned? Whenever I say "Hmm. You might be right," I'm actually allowing myself to back away from my position. And sometimes (just sometimes) I find that my opponent may actually (a little bit) be right.

Of course, now if you hear me say "You might be right," you'll know what I could be thinking, but I guarantee it goes down easier than saying "You're flat out wrong and let me tell you why."

And Life Lesson from Val #2?

Dance whenever possible. And wherever possible:

Ben's New Year's Resolution

"Don't put ZhuZhu pets in you's hair."

It's a Christmas Miracle!

I finished my 2010 taxes!

Gratitude

I know, you're thinking I missed the boat and am once again playing catch up. After all, Thanksgiving was LAST month.

Yes, indeedy it was. But no, this isn't a catch up post. Rather, it's a public declaration of a private decision: to search for peace.

Thanks to the chaos of the last couple of years, I've lived with less peace in my heart than I would like. More confusion, less clarity. More doubt, less faith. More fear, less hope. I've certainly had periods of great comfort and times of crystal clear direction, but as a rule, I have had to work excessively hard for them.

As I've continued to pray for understanding, for direction, for peace, for joy, I've had lots of pushing of the Spirit to one place:

Gratitude.

I'm stubborn. I admit it. It's taken a lot of shoving and a lot of reminding, and I'm finally paying attention.  The key for me seems to be in opening up my eyes and my heart to the beauty in my life, in the good and even in the bad. And in order to train my mind and heart to be grateful, I'm starting a gratitude journal. I think I'll see God's hand more clearly as I record his tender mercies to me. I'll recognize the little things that add up to big things. I'll enjoy small moments more and help my family enjoy them, too.

And maybe in the process, I'll begin to shed this tougher skin that feels so alien to me. Being tender feels dangerous. I've armored up, trying to avoid further pain. But, as Amber so eloquently reminded me months ago: "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." Life is pain, but life isn't all pain. By protecting myself so carefully from it, I've hidden away some of my ability for joy.

Eric used a magnificent C.S. Lewis quote at Brent's funeral:

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

Ingratitude is a sort of Hell, I think. It turns us to selfishness, to pessimism, to seeing other people as obstacles to our happiness.

I'm sort of done with that. It's time to take back my faith in the world, in humanity, in hope for a good outcome in a bad situation. I'm ready to be the glass-half-full girl again: maybe not as naive in my optimism as I once was, but a wiser optimist is a better optimist anyway, right?

Some of my encouragement to start being more grateful has come as I've been following Catherine on her journey of gratitude. As a result of her posts, I have also been reading Ann Voskamp's lovely lovely blog. I love the idea of working towards recording a thousand gifts (and beyond).

I could wait weeks before I crafted the right kind of post, with the right words, the right pictures, to start my recording. But I won't. I'm casting aside my desire for perfection that hobbles me day after day and just starting with these things for which I am truly, deeply grateful:

1. Women of God, of hope, whose lives demonstrate with their light what God can do with each of us if we are willing to shine, even just a little.

2. Temple worship, for seeing myself more clearly when inside, and for the ability I'm given to see others more clearly when I leave.

3. Music. Today, specifically, this song.

4. Another chance (thanks to Christ and His Atonement) to remake myself. A chance to try again, again, again, and even once more.

5. Hot chocolate.

6. Finally having the Christmas decorations up.

It's a beautiful day. I'm going to go enjoy it.

Catching Up: The October Edition

Oh, what a month it was.

Powell, weddings, concerts, Halloween. Oh, and that little birthday...

Lake Powell was fantastic. Our favorite parts? Everything. We had a mouse in the boat, a tarantula bit Elle while the kids had their legs buried in the sand, the toilet was broken and the water didn't work, and it was still paradise. Cliff jumping, seeing dinosaur tracks, waterskiing, tubing, surfing, swimming, digging in sand, lizard searching, bonfires, hiking to ruins, laughing and laughing and laughing. I'm so sad David missed it.

Then our sweet niece Marissa got married. We adore Marissa. David lived with her family for a year when he was going to BYU and we have been close to all of them since even before we got married. It was the only cold Saturday in October (of course) and they decided to keep the reception outside. It was gorgeous (and cold) and we had a wonderful time.

My cousin Blake came and stayed with us for a while. We love Blake very very much.

And then do you know what I did? I turned 40. I know. It's shocking, right? I keep thinking I'll be immune from this aging business, but it turns out I'm not!

If you have to turn 40, do it with David. The guy (and my dear dear friends) made it a remarkable, amazing weekend. It started with a surprise party (amazing, fantastic, wonderful) on the Friday night before my birthday. Perfect. Then Saturday morning I ran the Bonneville Shoreline trail from North Salt Lake to City Creek. I've been dying to make that run since the move, and I convinced (pregnant) Liz and Joni to run it with me. It was gorgeous. Seriously. Perfect. I love those women. They are fantastic.

After the run, I went home to find breakfast made by my sweet children (German pancakes and smoothies), and then David told me to clean up and get ready for our outing. Ashleigh came to watch the littles, and we headed down to Utah County. But then we kept going. And David came clean...he was taking me to the Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City and we were staying until Monday. Ashleigh stayed with the kids the whole weekend. BLISS. We saw The Winter's Tale, then spent the next day hiking and seeing national parks. After going home Monday, we headed up to Heber for a birthday dinner at his mom's. A good birthday? Oh, yes. A great one. (And how David pulled it all off? I don't know. He's something else, I tell you. I love that man.)

Other events: fall walks, hanging out with neighbors, and Halloween. We were in charge of the church Halloween party (during which we ran out of all food...), Josh had his first high school orchestra concert and Kate played the first movement of the Haydn C Major concerto.

A very good month.

Catching Up: The September Edition

September was gone in a BLINK. But what a blink.

Ben started preschool at the most darling neighborhood preschool you've ever seen. Miss Debra is amazing, he has three friends who go with him, and best of all...it's a mile away!!! After spending a year in the car driving to and from the U, his preschool's close proximity is an enormous joy in my life. (Not to mention that Miss Debra is convincing Benno to read...)

We hung out with people we love. Also we ate with people we love. Breakfast at Original Pancake House (twice), GREEK FESTIVAL (yummmmm), and the Green Family Reunion (lots of visiting and laughing fit into an afternoon in Centerville. Simple.)

We also had the sadness of saying goodbye to Tally. But we've covered that on the blog. Moving on...(I saw a Viszla running with her owners by Sugarhouse Park today and it was verrrrry sad.)

Kate had her fall recital.

Sophie turned TWELVE!!!!!!!!!! Beka kidnapped her for breakfast at Kneaders, and I was a good mom (for once) and threw her a party that very day.

But remember how Kate turned eight in April? Well, I finally threw her a party, too (a cooking party. Lots of fun.) Don't judge. Oh, go ahead and judge. It's ridiculous.

Josh played lots of lacrosse and he was very cute. (Don't tell him I said that. He is, though.)

I had a spectacular angel cake fail for dinner with the Fischers.

We spent lots of time with the Youngberg cousins while Eric and Nina had a getaway in CA.

David came home from work one night and said to the girls, "Aren't you sad you're not going to Taylor Swift tonight? Well, maybe we should." He bought 7th row tickets through a friend and off they went. They had a blast.

And last, but DEFINITELY not least, the kids and I went to Lake Powell with three other neighbor families at the end of the month. Gorgeous. Perfect. Fantastic. I will make you suffer through more Powell pictures later.

I am not sure how to wrap up September...it was a fantastic month, but losing Tally was very very sad. So, I guess I'll just leave it at that.

Catching Up: The August Edition

Once August rolled around, I felt the pressure. The decree had been passed: Summer 2011 MUST BE FUN! And with only three weeks before the return of school, I had to fit in as much memory-making as possible.

Success?

Maybe!

We swam and swam and swam. Swimming lessons for the littles, swim team for Soph. She wasn't sure how she felt about it, but I talked her into going and she ended up loving it.

Mom and Dad came up to visit. We hiked to Cecret Lake with them and Eric and Christina. Gorgeous night. Many mosquitos.

Neighbor time was fantastic. The kids were with their friends all the time: Late nights, Orange Leaf, swimming, running from one house to another. Super fun.

David bought his dream garden tractor. He revisited his childhood by giving the neighbor kids rides in the tractor.

We had to fit in lots of time with the Chos before they left Utah for their new life in Texas. Gloria is one of those people that I loved the minute I met...these kinds of friendships are so remarkable. And so fun!

Bri and Mike came to visit. Celia was darling. Bri announced they're expecting again! So exciting! We wish they lived in Utah...(hint, hint.)

And then school started...Sad. I wasn't ready. I finally had one of those summers that didn't leave me dying to send the kids back to school. I missed them terribly when they left. It didn't help that it was HOT. HOT!!!! The kids complained about the heat (NO AIR CONDITIONING) and I ignored them until I went to Back to School Night and it was over NINETY DEGREES IN THE SCHOOL. Come on, people. Either install air conditioning or let the kids start school after Labor Day. Honestly...stick the school board in one of those schools for a week and see how fast the schools get air conditioning.

Rant over.

My darling cousin Chapin married beautiful Whitney, so we got to see Nana and Boppa again, along with almost all of my extended Paullin family. They make me happy.

And finally, we ended the month by painting Kate's room. We bought the pink and white paint when we moved in. Two years ago. It's been slate blue for two years, and every once in a while, she asked, "When do you think we could paint my room?" And we'd say, "Hmmm...maybe soon." And she'd say, "OK." No fits, no grumpiness...and how is she rewarded? She got to wait two years for her room to be painted. Poor thing. But it's pink and white now and makes us all very happy.

August? Other than school starting (boo!), it was a very good month.

(I kind of like doing these updates a couple of months late. I've forgotten all the bad! The pictures make life look really rosy! I think this is how I should remember all of life!)