Wednesday, July 18, 2012

summer thought wanderings

My house is covered in Lincoln Logs and Playmobil.

My children are singing to the radio in the kitchen in the middle of the breakfast and lunch dishes (and it's 1:49 pm).

I have a piano blog post that was due on the 14th that hasn't been written yet.

I didn't get up early and exercise.

My laundry is scattered over many household surfaces.

The weeding hasn't been done since Friday.

And ya know what?

I think I'm OK with all it.

(Well, not really. I'm really anxious about all of it, but I'm trying to tell myself I'm OK with it.)

If I tell myself I'm OK with it for long enough, will it come true?

Summer is half over. It makes me sad.

Josh turns 16 in less than two weeks. In less than two years, he'll have graduated.

Time's running out.

I think I'm OK with that, too.

(Not really, again.)

I'm trying to learn to live in the moment, desireless.

It's not always working out so well. Right now I have the desire for a clean house, a flatter stomach, and a big fat fresh chocolate chip cookie...oh, I mean a sugarless nasty green smoothie...OK, really a cookie.

I also desire mad improvising skills.

I also desire that that one person who hates me will get over it. Cuz really, it's stupid to hate me. It's like hating cheese. Cheese isn't perfect (it can make you fat or it can make you sick if you're lactose intolerant), but it's also just cheese. It can't help its fat content or its lactose. And even though it has its drawbacks, it's super yummy on pizza, and overall isn't truly evil.

Yes, I just compared myself to cheese. So maybe she's right to hate me.

Where was I? Oh, yes...I was saying that when I am slightly, almost desireless, it is very freeing.

Here's some wisdom from the Tao:
There is a time for being ahead,
a time for being behind;
a time for being in motion,
a time for being at rest;
a time for being vigorous,
a time for being exhausted;
a time for being safe,
a time for being in danger.

The Master sees things as they are,
without trying to control them.
She lets them go their own way,
and resides at the center of the circle.
I read this and copied it in my scripture journal a couple of weeks ago. I've been pondering it here and there. I'm working on letting things go their own way and becoming an observer. (And isn't WORKING at observing, being peaceful, and allowing things to go their own way an oxymoron?)

I've become such a good observer that I backed into a pole in the parking garage at Westminster College today.


I seriously love summer.