Success?

Saturday night I spent three and a half hours on the floor next to the crib. I woke up Sunday with a sore throat and a determination NOT to spend any more nights on the floor next to the crib, so last night I tried a new tactic...crying it out. I have not felt good about doing it until now, but finally it felt like it was the right time. He'd calmed down at night more and I figured he cries in the carseat before falling asleep, and he understands so much cause and effect that it might just work finally.

So last night he didn't wake up until 5:00 (!!!) and then I patted his back, put his blanket over him and let him wail. He cried in waves and finally fell back asleep within about 20-25 minutes. It wasn't terrible, and he woke up happy.

We're getting closer.

It Was a Long Night. Plus, some pictures

It wasn't a great night. I walked him around at 1:30, got him to sleep, but every time I laid him in his crib, he'd wake up and cry. I finally decided if he was going to cry anyway, I might as well let him cry it out. I put some cushions next to his crib so I could lie down but still pat his back or hold his hand. I spent 5 hours on the floor. It was not my best night ever.

Tonight's got to be better, right?

We had dinner at Sugarhouse Park with Eric and Christina last night. I enjoyed my pad thai until a seagull noticed I was away from the table and helped himself to my noodles. Bummer. The cousins had a great time playing in the stream. It was a fun night. David's been gone to Denver since Wednesday and it was nice to have something to keep us busy.

Update #2

One Less Waking!!!! It's true! 11:30 and 3:30...let's keep our fingers crossed for tonight.

We just got back from the Salt Lake Swimming and Tennis Club. We joined this year and it has been so fun already. I love seeing so many people from the neighborhood and it's great to just have a place to hang out. Sophie is much more brave this year and is swimming better. I was able to get all three of the big kids in lessons at the same time and that has been wonderful. Ben just toddles around the pool and I follow along right behind. It's not exactly relaxing, but maybe it will be next year when he can play in the kiddie pool without me hovering over him.

So let's see how tonight goes. One waking? Is that asking too much?

Did it work? Did I give in?

I did NOT give in! Woo hoo!

So update on the Ben sleeping through the night goal...

I didn't let him cry it out. I swaddled him up each time he woke up crying (12, 2:30, 4:30), then walked him around until he was asleep then put him back in the crib. So I guess I was still a crutch. BUT it was the first time in 10 months that I didn't have to nurse him 3 or more times a night. Hooray! We're making progress.

Wish us luck. I'm hoping for one less waking tonight. Maybe it will happen...

Zombie Mom Signing Out

School's Out and I'm a Wreck

Who thought it was a good idea to let me have my kids all day long? Day after day? After day? Whoever it was should be forced to watch me try to deal with the whining and complaining and bickering. I am not doing a very good job of it. I have screamed more than I'd like to admit, and I have, in just the last three days, used the word "brat," "selfish," and "butt" (as in "get off your"). Boy. Not such a great start.

In fact, tonight Josh told me I needed to go to bed as soon as I'd fed Ben and waited for my sheets to dry. He told me I needed more sleep so I could be a nicer mom tomorrow. Thanks, kid. I needed that.

So tonight's entry is short and sweet. David's in Denver for the American Symphony Orchestra League convention. The rest of us went to Eric and Christina's for dinner to celebrate sweet Will's 5th birthday. I love that boy. He's got such a tender heart, a quick mind, and a wild streak. A very entertaining combination. I LOVE having them live close. Love it love it love it.

Tonight's goal: no feeding Ben in the middle of the night.

School's Out For Summer...

School's Out Forever.



Boy, this video is disturbing. Who thought Alice Cooper and the Muppets were a good fit?

But today it feels like school is out forever. Josh graduated from sixth grade yesterday, and today was yearbook signing day. So for him, his elementary years are done. Forever. He has been dreading this day for a couple of months. His grade is, frankly, a remarkable group of kids. The teachers all agree that they are unusual. They are kind to each other, they are funny, they are sensitive, they are hard-working. And they don't all go to the same junior high school, which stinks. So yesterday at the promotion ceremony there were a lot of tears. But I'll tell you, the tears yesterday were just a precursor to today's, which were flood level. When I walked to the school right before the bell rang, the kids and teachers were all outside signing yearbooks and saying goodbye. The first thing I saw was the sixth grade boy group. They were bawling. Weeping. Hugging each other. They were a mess. These are the sports boys, the cool boys, and they were more emotional than the girls were yesterday. It was W-I-L-D. (The girls were wrecks, too.)

There's something so sweet and so tender about boys like these feeling free to share their emotions. They haven't been shut down yet. They are comfortable with each other like they would be with family. I'm grateful Josh has had friends like these for seven years. There are few boundaries. Religion doesn't matter, the sports you play don't matter, family circumstances don't matter. I hope he can keep that open heart for the rest of his life. I'm sad, too. I hate to see this time in his life end. The innocence is fading for all of them. Junior high is a new road. I hope he can keep a pure heart, even while so many others of these kids will find themselves walking hard paths. I hope he can always find friends to help him enjoy life, to learn, to care about others, and to stay strong when there are hard choices to make.

Hello Again

AAARRRGH. That's all I have to say. Every time I think I might just have a chance at getting life in control, it gets away from me. Big Time.

So to catch up...

I'm quitting teaching. Whoa. It's huge. I've been teaching since I was 19 (and yes, that was a heckuva long time ago.) I've loved it. It's a major part of who I am. I love my students, I love passing on my love of music, and I really love having something I am better at than this homemaking stuff. But after months of agonizing, praying, and agonizing some more, we've decided that in order for me to truly give my kids what I think they need, I need to put them before my students. Those after-school hours are so precious, and I'm afraid that other peoples' children have had to come first. So for a few years, I'm going to see if I can help our family be a little less insane, a little more relaxed. I have been amazed at the emotion behind this decision, and I know it's hard on a lot of people, but I have to follow my heart.

We also just got back from a week long, yes-we're-crazy, 2300 mile road trip. We started in Boise for my grandma's 90th birthday party (Happy Birthday, Grandma! You're amazing!). From there we drove to Bend, Oregon to stay overnight on our way to the Redwoods in Northern California. We stayed in a little vacation home on the coast in Crescent City for two nights, then on to San Francisco (in a room with two double beds. What were we thinking? Oh yeah, we didn't want to spend $200 a night.) for two more nights, then home. Whoa. Remind me next time that Ben hates to travel, OK? We made a lot of memories, spent a lot of money on gas, and reveled in the beauty of our earth. We are blessed greatly.

Kate finished preschool last week, Sophie and Kate both finished ballet this week (and both have decided against ballet for next year), Josh has comp soccer tryouts two nights this week, Ben is FINALLY WALKING (as of last Monday), Josh graduates from sixth grade on Wednesday, and I can't believe time just keeps flying at the speed of sound. STOP IT. Just STOP IT. I want to breathe.

Here are some pictures: