My Best Valentine's Present Ever

David and I had agreed not to give each other gifts on Valentine's Day a couple of years ago, but we went out to dinner, then to dessert. While we were sitting at the table, David said, "Are you ready for your gift?" I grumbled at him, since of course I looked like a dork without a gift and said, "We weren't supposed to give gifts." He said, "Well, I couldn't resist."

He then handed me a card, which I read, with increasing confusion. It was a very sweet card, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't a normal David card. It was ridiculously over the top. Really high school. It, honestly, was ultra-cheese. David knows I don't like ultra-cheese. Love, yes. Devotion, sure. Cheese? No way.

Then he handed me ANOTHER card. It was worse. "This present will show you my love in its purest form," blah blah blah.

And then ANOTHER card. Unbelievably ridiculous. I don't know where I put these cards. I would love to quote them. They would win bad love letter awards.

Finally, he handed me a rumpled-up Kmart bag. I opened it, not sure what was going on...

Inside was a deliciously horrible teddy bear, wearing a diamond heart pendant.

I nearly fell off my chair. It was so truly tasteless, so bad, so amazing, that I couldn't stop laughing.

The best part? He says that it took longer to find THAT present than to buy most of the presents he's purchased for me for real over the years. It had to have just the right amount of ridiculousness. And it had to be returnable, of course, and he even returned it FOR me. Best. Valentine's. Present. Ever.