Where I've Really Been

OK, so I haven't been anywhere much.

I've been at the pool for swimming lessons, at Nicole's for cello lessons, at Kathy's for violin lessons, at Bridget's for piano lessons.

I've been at Lewis Park in Bountiful for soccer practice and in front of the sink washing dishes.

I've been on the front lawn for therapy, on the pavement for more therapy, on the phone for still more therapy.

I've been on my knees praying for help, for perspective, for faith, for patience.

I've been hiding in my room with my heart pounding after yelling at the kids too much for fighting too much yet again.

I've been watching children learn, complain, play, imagine, bicker, practice, complain, work, read, love, have tea parties, laugh, complain, and grow.

I've been begging for time to slow down so I can bask in a glorious hour, then begging for it to speed up again so I don't have to endure one more argument.

I've been watching David leave early in the morning, the weight of his world on his shoulders and wishing I could take some of that heaviness from him.

I've been waiting for him to return late at night after yet another concert to do what I can to lift the burden, even if I never feel that it's quite enough.

I've been weeping for the loss of a friend, for the pain of mental illness, for the darkness that waits just around the corner for so many of those I love.

I've been speechless with joy at the light that waits right around the other corner, the joy that comes from love, from kindness, from compassion, from lifting each other in our hardest times.

I've been baffled by questions, filled with faith, overwhelmed with inadequacies, enriched by family, stretched by hardship, reassured by the quietest voice that all will be well.

I've been living.