I am not ready for:
Early mornings (and by early, I mean 5:40. Which is early. Really early.)
Forgetting to remember to sign the reading charts
Early bedtimes that don't ever seem to happen
I am also not ready for:
Benjamin going into first grade. All day. Away from me.
Josh going into twelfth grade. For reals.
Yesterday was full: check ups at the pediatrician and hours and hours of school shopping. Today we spent a few hours cleaning out the kids' cubbies to help prepare our return to the grind. The kids also all got back-to-school haircuts from our friend, Nicole. They all look darling. And old.
My cute friend wrote something on Instagram about how having a first grader makes her feel old.
Yup. Having a first grader did make me feel old as well as quite seasoned in the mom department. Having a senior is making me feel really really old, and also a little out of control. Because he was just in first grade with all of his buddies, I swear. And where does the time go? And can't I have a replay on some of it? And can't I bottle some of it, too?
Tomorrow and the next day will come, and then the next day, too. And on that day, don't mind me if I'm a little melancholy. It's the last first day of school with all of my children under one roof, the first first day of school that I am alone for five and a half hours. It's gonna be wacko.
I'm giving myself permission to feel whatever it is I am going to feel and do whatever it is I need to do for the first couple of days. But then...well, friends, then it is time to finish the taxes. From 2011. And 2012. Believe me, those 5 1/2 hours will go quickly. And then every day I'll get my babies back and I can love them and laugh with them and get super frustrated at them when they don't do the dishes without being asked.
I still really really really wish I could keep them here with me for another week (month) or two. (And mothers of children younger than mine, don't worry. I didn't feel like this when my own children were young. Back in those days, I felt guilty about how ready I was for them to be back in someone else's care for a few hours a day. I didn't imagine how much my feelings would change.