My guess is this happens to you, too. You have some phenomenal experience. You're one with something bigger than yourself (music, the spirit, a conversation with someone dear, whatever). You feel expanded, enlightened, enraptured, maybe.
And then a kid pinches her sister. Or the dog throws up.
And rather than taking a leisurely walk down the mountain, preparing yourself to enter the real world again, you've just leapt off a high cliff face and landed in a patch of thorns.
No matter what, it's always hard to leave the mountain (like Moses, leaving the burning bush and finding his people getting all nasty around a golden calf.) But it's even harder to be shoved into the bumps and bruises of everyday life without any warning. I overreact. I snap a little. Then I catch my breath and try to relax.
As much as I'm enjoying myself at the piano day after day, I will admit that I'm getting chucked off the mountain way too often. Someone needs a diaper change. The phone rings. The kids are screaming at each other. Maybe THIS is why it's been so hard to get back in the groove...not that I didn't have the interest, but that it takes much effort to leave the mountain and then run right back up.
But it's worth it. It's so so worth it. I'm feeling alive, feeling my old self returning, finding my voice again.
So I trudge back up the mountain. Again and again. As many times as it takes.
6 comments:
Kerri,
You can do it. You're a very strong person. Get your shoes back on and head back up that wonderful mountain. It will do you good. It's time for you to have some "me" time. (I know this from personal experience) Even if it's just a snippet of time.
Hang in there.
I am impressed and inspired that you get up onto that mountain at all! Don't give up....maybe one day I'll meet you up there!
Kerri
I found your blog on Leslie's blog and wanted to say HI!!! We hope all is well with you and your family. It was so good to see you all at the Green Family Christmas Party! We love you all!
If anyone can balance family life with achieving personal goals, it's you, Kerri. Keep on trudging, you'll make it.
Kerri,
I so know what you are saying. So many times I am feeling bliss, enjoying life and then the phone rings, "Mom..." I am thinking it makes the high points in life all the more apparent.
Yes, I can certainly relate. For me, I'm driving along, listening to music at full volume, enjoying my own thoughts, anything seems possible... then I pull into the driveway and here comes reality slamming back into me before I've had a chance to acclimate myself. Josh comes running out to greet me with a story and a request for food all in one big breath, Lexi is calling "aaaaaaaa" from the doorway at top volume... Ya just gotta keep on trying, though, I guess. :)
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