Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Resolutions Repealed

When I was writing my New Year's Resolutions (remember that teeny tiny list?), what I was really doing was searching.

For meaning.

For purpose.

For improvement.

For grace.

I felt such inspiration at the beginning of 2009. I knew that Heavenly Father had things He wanted me to do, and it was my responsibility to figure them out. By the end of 2009, I'd forgotten that it took a few weeks and a lot of tears and frustration before my path was made clear.

Enter 2010. My biggest goals met, and no new ones that seemed exciting, I felt off-kilter. Was I supposed to run 1000 miles again? Play another recital? Mostly, I just wanted an answer about why my life has felt so unbalanced since the move.

So I brainstormed all the areas in my life, waiting for that big "yes" that gave me peace last year, that gave me clarity.

This list, of course, was the result.

The clarity? Not forthcoming.

Until I had a conversation with my darling brother Kurt.

And started thinking.

And feeling clarity.

And feeling the big "yes."

And freaking out just a bit, because it makes little sense. Very little. But what little sense it makes...

Makes me extremely, amazingly excited.

What is it?

My new resolution?

Well...here it is. I think I'm going to go back to school. For a Doctorate of Musical Arts. In piano.

Or at least, I'm going to get READY to go back to school. For a DMA. In piano.

Did I mention that I'm extremely, amazingly excited, but totally and completely shocked? This was not on the agenda...

So the goal is to start lessons with a great teacher, to prop back up my semi-weak technique, to perform, to read music history to expand that very small part of my brain that still remembers music history, and then apply to begin the program at the U of U in either the fall of 2011 or 2012, depending on family circumstances. And money. And my semi-weak technique.

And to remain healthy physically, spiritually, and mentally. And to put my family first.

It still feels rather unreachable, doesn't it?

But somehow it also feels right.

(Oh, and another thing that feels right...I'm going to start teaching adults again during school hours a couple of times a week. I've got to get my musical brain moving again, and I'm really excited about some new ideas I have for adult lessons.)

20 comments:

Danielle said...

You can't give up on the pull ups, or I will lose my motivation.

Other than that...WAY TO GO! I wish I lived closer and could take lessons. If you ever decide to teach in Heber again let me know.

Kurt and Ash said...

i got chills reading your post. love you and so proud of you. now if only i could get my butt in gear and get my bachelor's! congrats again, your an inspiration!!

Lara said...

Woo-hoo! I am so excited for you! I put my masters on hold so my husband could do all the school, and I really hope one day to be able to go back, too.

I love how it's about the preparation. That is a really good way to look at it.

Amber said...

Exciting! It seems funny that you would take lessons: at your recitals at BYU your fingers moved so fast it was just a blur. How could anyone teach you anything? And, if we lived nearby, I would be signing up for lessons with you today. But alas...

Madeline Johnson said...

I say go for it! I will tell you what some other ladies told me about doing their doctorates that helped me get through it. They told me it was one of the hardest things that they had ever done, but... it was worth it.

Liz said...

Whoa!

Lisa said...

Love it Kerri and I believe you will love it too. I am so excited for you.

Gaylene said...

Can I just say W.O.W.!!!?

Camilla said...

SO EXCITING!!

Camilla said...

P.S. YOU GO GIRL!!

Camilla said...

P.P.S. Knowing you kindof makes the rest of us look bad (figuratively and literally, hah)!

Camilla said...

What does P.P.S. stand for?

Camilla said...

And now I will stop leaving comment-graffiti, though I'm having fun if you can't tell.

Emilia said...

yay!!!! Let me know if you want any info on the DMA program at the U. :) Sounds like fun!

Holly Franz said...

I've heard you can do a DMA at the U in 2 years. Good luck getting ready to audition.

Chris W. said...

How exciting! I wish I lived closer so I could become one of yours students.

(I just bought a cheap Dover edition of Satie's piano music and sat down to start learning one this weekend.)

Megan said...

I love this re-evaluation. Good luck on the preparation and what an awesome personal goal to strive for! I want to take lessons... need to really.

Malisa said...

You put this on your blog? Oh girl, now you're serious.

Christina said...

Yay! Again, if I can ever help you on your way to DMA, don't hesitate to call on me!

Camille said...

Good luck! My mom's finishing up her bachelor's in Organ Perf @ the U - and she's hoping things will open up for her to do a Master's too, soon. She's been an inspiration to many (like you will be!!)