Resolutions Repealed

When I was writing my New Year's Resolutions (remember that teeny tiny list?), what I was really doing was searching.

For meaning.

For purpose.

For improvement.

For grace.

I felt such inspiration at the beginning of 2009. I knew that Heavenly Father had things He wanted me to do, and it was my responsibility to figure them out. By the end of 2009, I'd forgotten that it took a few weeks and a lot of tears and frustration before my path was made clear.

Enter 2010. My biggest goals met, and no new ones that seemed exciting, I felt off-kilter. Was I supposed to run 1000 miles again? Play another recital? Mostly, I just wanted an answer about why my life has felt so unbalanced since the move.

So I brainstormed all the areas in my life, waiting for that big "yes" that gave me peace last year, that gave me clarity.

This list, of course, was the result.

The clarity? Not forthcoming.

Until I had a conversation with my darling brother Kurt.

And started thinking.

And feeling clarity.

And feeling the big "yes."

And freaking out just a bit, because it makes little sense. Very little. But what little sense it makes...

Makes me extremely, amazingly excited.

What is it?

My new resolution?

Well...here it is. I think I'm going to go back to school. For a Doctorate of Musical Arts. In piano.

Or at least, I'm going to get READY to go back to school. For a DMA. In piano.

Did I mention that I'm extremely, amazingly excited, but totally and completely shocked? This was not on the agenda...

So the goal is to start lessons with a great teacher, to prop back up my semi-weak technique, to perform, to read music history to expand that very small part of my brain that still remembers music history, and then apply to begin the program at the U of U in either the fall of 2011 or 2012, depending on family circumstances. And money. And my semi-weak technique.

And to remain healthy physically, spiritually, and mentally. And to put my family first.

It still feels rather unreachable, doesn't it?

But somehow it also feels right.

(Oh, and another thing that feels right...I'm going to start teaching adults again during school hours a couple of times a week. I've got to get my musical brain moving again, and I'm really excited about some new ideas I have for adult lessons.)