Tuesday, June 9, 2009

You Can't Go Home Again

I spent a couple of hours last night immersed in my old pictures, looking for pictures of our first house. We bought this house in 1995, right after I finished my masters degree and right before I got pregnant with Josh. We fell in love with it the minute we walked through it, and loved it even after we knew we needed to leave it. It was a tiny little cottage on a half acre wooded lot, but as I mentioned in an earlier post, it wasn't exactly in the best neighborhood. Eventually, the desire for a safe home for our growing family pushed us to move, but leaving was still difficult.


This is the best picture of the home I could find last night. It was owned by a landscape architect before us, and he filled the yard with decks and trees and a pond with a waterfall and raspberry bushes and flowers. We added a hammock, a strawberry patch, a sandbox for Josh, secret paths through the tree farm in the far backyard, a swinging bench, and one year we even bought a live Christmas tree and planted it in the front yard. This picture doesn't really capture the magic of the house, but it was a wonderful place to dream and to start a family. Other than the meth labs down the street. And the neighbor boy who shot out our garage window. And the burglary and vandalism... Oh, stop. Let me remember it lovingly, just for today.

It has been a few years since I'd driven by the house. This is what I saw when I drove up.


Yes, that is tall grass growing in the driveway, in front of an abandoned truck. You can't see that the lawn in the front has gone to seed or that the porch boards are starting to rot out. You can't see that the next owner sold the back half of the lot to the rest home that bordered it, and that the roof of the house is starting to sag. And that huge pine tree that blocks the view of the house? Yup...that was our little Christmas tree.

No, you can't go home again. Life moves forward. It always does. But I wish my house still looked like it does in my memories.

8 comments:

Danielle said...

I'm still sentimental about our first house...and neighborhood. It was great.

Katie M said...

I cannot drive by my childhood home. It hurts too much to see all thing things they changed! But you're right, at least we have memories.

Stephanie said...

My neighbor across the street has a beautiful yard and home where they have lived for 30 years. She swears that once they leave their home, she will never drive down this street again because it would be too painful to see their house changed by others. I guess maybe she's got a point... I loved your little house, too. It really seemed to have some magic about it. Hold on to the memories. :)

Liz said...

I made Jeff drive with me past my childhood house in Victorville once! Let's just say my memories were soooo different than what I saw as an adult! My memories were soooo much better! Anyway, what a fun trip down memory lane! I'm so happy for you to get your painting! LOVE that HUGE Christmas tree in front of the house! At least I think that was a house behind it!!! :)

Lara Neves said...

So sad. Even though it totally confirms that you were right to leave the house, it's still really sad.

Christina said...

Oh my goodness! I can't believe how it has changed! I remember how much work you guys put into that cute home. Good memories there for Eric and me as well.

Janae said...

Oh that breaks my heart!! I'm happy to say I actually like living so far from our first house because then I can't drive by it all the time & cry when I see the changes made to it. Because I would drive by all the time, and I would cry most definitly. The memories need to stay memories I guess. Congrats on winning the painting..however I'm a bit confused as to how she's going to paint a picture off your old picture. It's kind of hard to see the house. If only you could just paint her a picture with your memories huh? Congrats none the less! Winning feels good doesn't it! I remember when I was in the 4th grade and I won a school guessing contest to win a free trip to summer camp! I still get excited just thinking about winning! :0)

tonandboys said...

I have to agree. That little house was magical. I was only there once, but I have never forgotten the little heaven/forest that just seemed to go back forever...without end. What a magical place to start a family. I have to admit that even I was a little sad when I heard you sold that little home...selfishly I wanted to go back for inspiration...because I remember being mezmorized by the decor and charm of the whole place.