Giving Thanks, Day 18

I am grateful to be a stay-at-home mom.

I have worked part time my entire adult life. I wasn't sure if I could give up my profession and still feel like myself. I have identified myself as a musician for as long as I can remember, and that label seemed to be my biggest identifier. I also have a great affinity for teaching and grow to truly love each of my students and their families. I care about their progress as people as well as musicians, and have enjoyed the opportunity to be a part of a child's growth from early in their educational lives until graduation. There aren't many professions that enjoy those kind of long term relationships, and I loved that part of teaching piano.

I was also happy to be an accompanist for Viva Voce, a women's choir that I have been a part of since January of 1997. I had the opportunity to perform and record in many different venues, and it helped keep up my reading and playing chops. I loved the women I worked with and, again, especially was thankful for long term relationships that often buoyed my spirits. (And to be quite honest, it was nice to be appreciated. Moms don't get the same kinds of acclaim as women can in the workplace.)

But it all got to be too much. Too much time focusing on other peoples' children. Too much time worrying about what I needed to do to become an even better teacher, an even better pianist. Too much stress, trying to figure out how to get my kids where they needed to go, how to help them finish their homework, how to get dinner ready after hours of teaching, how to be unfrazzled in the evening so that we all could feel peace in our home, how to get my OWN kids to practice after trying to convince all my STUDENTS to practice. It became clear that something had to change.

So after months of agonizing, praying, fasting, and worrying, David and I made the Big Decision.

And now it's done. And life is beautiful.

Well, a lot of the time it is.

The house isn't always clean. But it's cleaner. Dinners aren't always fancy. But we have dinner on time almost every night. I'm not always a paragon of peace and tranquility. But the kids are happier. Much happier. I don't know how we would have survived this year if I were still trying to keep all the balls in the air. I am truly truly grateful.

We couldn't have made this decision too many years ago. My income was vital for a long time. I have so much empathy for moms who work, and I'm downright blown away by those who work full-time. It's HARD. I respect moms everywhere who are trying to do the best they can with whatever hands they've been dealt. But I'm grateful that I was in a position where sacrifices could be made so that our family could be in a better situation than we were.

Am I still a musician? Yes. But I'm a mom. For now, that's my priority. And, surprisingly (to me, anyway), I love it.