Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Slow Learner

So if you've been reading my blog for very long, I think you'll recognize this ridiculous cycle:

Gee, I have so many weaknesses.
My weaknesses are really dragging me down.
Ah! Epiphany! Heavenly Father cares about me despite my weaknesses! All is right in the world.
Man, I can't believe how many weaknesses I have.
Life really stinks. I'm really lame. I just wish I could conquer these things that make me so frustrated with myself.
What? You mean that it's EXPECTED that I am weak? That's part of the PLAN? Amazing! I never would have GUESSED! Grace is wonderful!

Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.

Ummmmm...can I just ask a question?

Why don't I learn this lesson once and for all?

It's like I'm enrolled in Remedial Life (Grace for Dummies). Seriously. I'd like to be done with this lesson once and for all so I can like myself more, serve the people around me better and maybe learn something about, I don't know, something ELSE?

But then, in the plan, is there really anything but grace? Isn't that what it's all about? Maybe I'm not in Grace for Dummies. Maybe I'm in Advanced Placement Grace. After all, I'm having lots and lots of tests and even writing a dissertation or two. Looks like I'm on the cyclical learning plan. Maybe if I keep returning to the same lesson over and over and over, I'll really start to believe it.

6 comments:

Katie McNeil said...

Ah, life. I, too, have to relearn the same hard lessons. I'm thinking the perfectionism thing runs in our family because it is my downfall as well.

The ironic part of it? Sometimes Mormon culture itself makes me feel like I have to be "everything to everyone" -- the opposite of what the church is all about!

You're doing great Kerri!

tonandboys said...

I know I am supposed to feel badly, and I really am..I promise. But, I can't help thinking, "if this amazingly and ridiculously talented woman thinks she has so much weakness, should that make me feel better about my own weaknesses or just raise the unattainable bar so far out of reach that I can't envision it?" You have always been an example to me. Just a thought, but in overcoming weaknesses, don't lose your strengths, because (for each of us) they are far too often very closely related..and I happen to look up to you a great deal.

Gaylene said...

We just have to keep learning by Repetition! Keep up the good work. You are much better than you realize!

Michelle said...

oh, me too. Once in a while I look back and see progress and that's amazing!

Malisa said...

Hey, this is a good description of you my friend! :) You always get back to figuring it out eventually. I love what the person above me said about strength/weakness going hand in hand. So true.

Christina said...

I struggle with all the same. You're awesome, and I love you!