Friday, July 9, 2010

Just a Little Later

I've been stuffing my face with sugar all day. Really. A waffle for breakfast, four cookies for lunch, and one and a half doughnuts (make it two. I just polished off the other half) for dinner. So much for my new healthy-eating self.

I've decided I'm not a runner, not a writer, and maybe not even a very good pianist. And self-control? What's that?

I think I'm going to give up cleaning the house, cooking for my family, and trying to convince the children to take baths. In return, I'll spend hours on the internet and maybe watching TV.

I guess it hasn't been a very good day.

I've cleaned up pee from the dog, throw up out of a carseat, lighter fluid off a deck, and then pee from a potty-training three-year-old.

And I haven't started preparing the 60 chicken salad sandwiches for my niece's wedding shower tomorrow. Or preparing the salad ingredients. Or preparing the games. (This isn't a burden, Brianna! I'm really excited to do it! I just haven't STARTED YET!!!)

I think the path grief takes us on is different for everyone. Today my grief just decided to make me a big fat (literally, if I keep up with this sugar binge) selfish wuss.

Tomorrow is another day. My optimism has been shelved for the moment in the back cupboard of my brain. It'll probably peek out again soon.

Maybe.

Probably.

Maybe.

Probably.

Oh, darn. There's that stupid optimism winning out again.

But I think I'll still give up running and giving kids baths. And weeding. And eating well.

Maybe.

4 comments:

Danielle said...

You're long overdue for a sugar binge, my dear; especially with bodily fluids on top of everything else! Be good to you.

Amber said...

I hate when sugar wins the daily fight!!!

I say let the boy pee on the bushes outside--he'll be potty trained in no time at all.

Hose all kids down for the nightly bath.

Enjoy the shower, then sleep for as long as you can!!!

Michelle said...

I know that day. I've had that day. Grief is like keeping wild dogs in the basement, if you don't feed them once in a while they'll come out and bite you.

Lara said...

You know what? I feel like this all the time and I don't have a good reason.

You do.

You indulge yourself. Because you need to. I wish I could come help you do all the stuff you have to do, but for now, do the bare minimum and let yourself be sad.